·         *  Take the first step

·         Once you are out there with people around you, someone has to make the first move. If the other party doesn’t start-off, just take the first step to say a friendly hello. Get to know each other a little better! Share something about yourself, then give the other party a chance to share about him/her. Something easy, like asking how the day is, or what they did today / in the past week is a great conversation starter. Once the ice is broken, it’ll be easier to connect.

·         * Be open

·         Be open-minded. Don’t judge.

Sometimes, you might have a preset notion of what kind of friend you want. Maybe someone who is understanding, listens, has the same hobbies, watches the same movies, has similar educational background etc. And then when you meet the person and realize the person veers off your expectations, you might be ready to close yourself off.

·         Don’t do that. Give the friendship a chance to blossom. More importantly, give yourself a chance at this budding friendship. I have several very good friends who come from totally different backgrounds, and I would never have thought we would be so close when I first knew them, simply because we are so different. A good number of my ex-clients are people whom I’d never meet normally given our diverse backgrounds, yet we get along extremely well, just like good friends.

·         Open your heart.

·         On that same note, open your heart to the person. This connection between you and the other party can only begin when your heart is open. This means to be trusting, have faith, and believe in the goodness of other people. You can’t form any new connections if you mistrust others or you are fearful that things won’t work out. It’ll send off the wrong vibes and cause them to close off their hearts to you too.

·         

* Get to know the person

A friendship is equally about you and about the other person. Get to know the person as an individual. For example, below are some questions to consider:

·         What does he/she do?

·         What are his/her hobbies?

·         What has he/she been up to recently?

·         What are his/her upcoming priorities/goals?

·         What does he/she value the most?

·         What are his/her values?

·         What motivates/drives him/her?

·         What are his/her passions in life? Goals? Dreams?

* Connect with genuinity

·         Often times we are too caught up with ourselves – such as what others will think of us, what we should say next, what our next action is – that we miss the whole point of a friendship. You can work on the presentation aspects such as how you look, what you say, and how you say things, but don’t obsess over them. These actions don’t (truly) define the friendship. What defines the friendship is the connection between you and the friend.

·         Show warmth, love and respect toward everyone you meet. Do things because you want to, and not because you need to. Care for them like you would to yourself. If you approach others with genuinity, you will attract people who want to connect genuinely. Among them will be your future true friends.

*  Be yourself

·         Don’t change yourself to make new friends. That’s the worse thing you can do. Why do I say that?

·         Say you make many new friends by being vocal and brassy. However, your normal persona is quiet and introverted. What happens then? It may be great initially to get those new friends, but the friendship was established as you being an extrovert. That means either:

·         You continue being the vocal, brassy person your new friends knew you as. However, it’ll just be a facade. In the long-run, it’ll be a tiring facade to uphold. Not only that, the friendship will just be built on a hollow front. Or

·         You change back to the introverted you. However, your friends will feel cheated because that isn’t the person they befriended. They’ll also gradually shift away if the personalities don’t match.

·         So, just be yourself. That way, potential new friends will know you as you, and they’ll use that to decide if they want to take the friendship a step further.

*  Be there for them

·         A friendship is a supportive union between two people. Be there for your friends where you can. Does any of your friends need any help currently? Is there anything you can help them with? How can you better support them?

·         When you help your friends, don’t do so with the expectations to be helped next time. Rather, help unconditionally. Treat them with emotional generosity. Give because you want to, and not because you feel obliged to. 

* Make the effort to stay in touch

·         At the end of the day, continual effort is required to maintain the friendship. Willingness to make the effort is what differentiates hi-bye friends from other friends. Ask your friends out every once in a while. Depending on the intensity of the friendship, there’s no need to meet up every few days or once a week – catching up once a month or once every few months might be sufficient. The strength of your relationship is not measured by how frequently you meet up. For some of my best friends, we meet only about once every few months. Yet, there’s never any doubt that we’re closely connected and we will be there for each other when needed.

·         If both of you have your own set of engagements, it might be hard to find time together. Arrange for a simple meet up, say over lunch, tea or dinner time. Or, you can always catch up over text messages, online chat or phone calls. Technology has made communication so easy that it’s difficult not to stay in touch.